


Wrongness Beneath The Skin

by TooManyBooksToRead



Series: Fake Maes AU [5]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Implied Relationship, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Roy deserves a drink, again no actual dub or noncon but roy, and a nap, well roy thinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22588471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooManyBooksToRead/pseuds/TooManyBooksToRead
Summary: It was all wrong.
Relationships: Maes Hughes/Roy Mustang
Series: Fake Maes AU [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1625317
Comments: 7
Kudos: 50





	Wrongness Beneath The Skin

Roy felt numb as he opened the door to his apartment.

That was alright. He rather liked numb, it was much better than actually thinking about today.

Much, much better.

Numb and cold and dead, like his – _its_ lips had felt on his own.

Cold, cold, cold. Cold and unresponsive and _wrong_.

His hands tightened around the kitchen counter – when had he gotten to the kitchen? – and he struggled to draw even breaths.

By now he had no idea what was keeping the sobs at bay, how he’d held himself together while he – _it, it, it, that thing wasn’t Maes no matter how uncanny the similarities_ – had grinned, it had been just a second before it morphed back into that poor copy of Maes’ blinding smile but the thing had felt like it’d look just right on the face of a feral animal. How he managed to hold it together the rest of the day until he could run home.

Home, this empty apartment hadn’t been home for a long time. Home was Riza and Havoc and Fuery and Breda, home was a warm dinner with Gracia and Elicia and Maes. His home was broken, there was a hole in the middle of it, a hole that was being filled by a parasite.

He almost broke down again, he’d kissed that _thing_. He thought with disgust and what was worse for just a second, on first contact it was almost the same – almost but as soon as that’s second was gone everything felt _wrong_ , there was no feeling, no passion, no anything.

Thousand of little details, of small things that were so _obviously missing_ made it feel cold and empty and _dead_.

But he could’ve been fooled if he hadn’t known and it had done that he wouldn’t have noticed all the small lacks, the tiny inconsistencies, the inherent wrongness of the action.

He shuffled along the floor, making his way to the small bathroom. His reflection stared blankly back at him from the mirror's pristine surface, he wanted to punch it, he wanted to scream and rage until his knuckles bled. He wanted to curl up and cry and never wake up again.

The face had looked just the same, but there were details you would only notice as close as he’d gotten, his eyes were the wrong shade of green not by too much it would be negligible for almost everyone but it was like that. All of the details piled up, his hair a tad too long, his gaze a bit too focused, the faded scar in his chin missing.

Roy felt dirty, he wanted to be able to wash it all away, he wanted to puke and run away and never show his face in Central Command again. But that would be suspicious and suspicious could put Maes in danger, could get Gracia and Elicia killed.

No. As long as he could do anything to protect his family – it was why he’d done it today and if _that thing_ decided to keep it going, to do something with the cards he’d been forced to play he’d do it again. To protect them he’d keep doing it for as long as he needed to.

That didn’t make him feel any better about it.

But maybe something else would. He opened the shower, turning up the heat as much as he could and he waited.

He watched the spray fall until the whole bathroom was filled with steam and then he got in, the water was scalding yet he welcomed the pain it brought as his body adjusted to the temperature.

Here, alone and away from the world, he allowed himself to cry. He cried and let the spray wash the tears away. He let himself mourn for what he’d lost, for what he’d betrayed.

He scrubbed until his skin was raw, the motion as much for consistency as it was for comfort. Maybe he could scrub the shame away (it would never leave, just like the blood of Ishval it would follow him to his deathbed.)

It had been a spur of the moment solution, a haphazard solution for a careless mistake.

He hadn’t had time to think it through just knew that he needed to distract it before it noticed and put the pieces together. He kissed him, he could admit that much at least to himself, he had kissed him – _itititititititit_ , not him, not Maes – and it wasn’t just a quick kiss either. He’d poured all of his desperation and longing and fear and every other emotion he had, all of his emotions condensed into that one desperate gamble.

His skin felt numb again, good, numb was better right now.

He walked out of the shower hanging his head, he was exhausted but he didn’t wanna try his chances at sleep, it was too likely he’d see a twisted grin on a familiar yet wrong face.

He changed and grabbed his coat.

A drink – or a dozen – would do him some good, it was about time he paid Madame and her girls a visit anyway.

Yes, that’s all he needed alcohol and some good company, it would do wonders for his image too, after the stunt he pulled today.


End file.
